Day 10 {I am THANKFUL} Jason Michael Burrell

 
 No other person on Earth gets me like this man does. He knows my thoughts as if it were a sixth sense. Which at times can be scary! lol I have been ultimately blessed with such a man as my partner. He loves these children and myself so incredibly deeply and passionately that I don't know what I did deserve it. However, he is every bit of what these children deserve. Being able to raise these children together as we have been granted to is such a gracious blessing. I know it can be taken away any day.

  I know that I take our situation for granted at times. I do my best to remind myself of how fortunate we are. It's a constant job for us, and we often do not get much rest, or even the ability to sleep side by side. Maybe not even in our own bed. But I am reminded of how this won't last forever. They won't always be children, and we won't always be here to guide them throughout their entire lives.

 Thank you, Jason for being mine. Above all, thank you Lord.

Day 21 {I am THANKFUL} Creativity

I tried. I'm not afraid to say I failed at keeping up. I don't think I have many followers who are disappointed. lol The blog has failed to raise many.

 Last week was a great getaway for Jason and I. I am so very excited to document my book. Photography will be taking a backseat for a while so I can focus on what REALLY makes us happy. Because when I am unhappy where I am at, everyone feels the effects. I look at it as closing a chapter and opening a new one. I will just be taking new avenues.

 Nothing terribly exciting to report! I am thankful for creativity, so I guess that's what my new post should be on. Being given the gifts that God has granted me with. Whether it's voice, writing, photography, being a mother, an artist, cake artist, whatever! I am THANKFUL.

 Looking forward to Thanksgiving and Tristan 10th birthday next week! Yes! TENTH!! And, also to decorating for Christmas.

Day 9 {I am THANKFUL} Prosperity

 Since day one, my dear husband has worked to maintain a safe and prosperous lifestyle for his little family. Nothing is possible without The Holy Father. He watches over us, protects us and guides us through each step of our lives. Some days in life, things are tough. His grace and grace alone has carried us. Even when you don't feel like being faithful, when you feel your life is void of God, He is there. You can deny and reject, but He remains faithful. He is always there waiting for you to return to his forgiving and waiting arms.

 We are blessed to have such a lifestyle as ours. Jason and I are both small business owners. He has the freedom to stay at home and school our children, along my side. We do our best to be as active in our childrens lives as possible. We understand how hard it is for most families to have to work 8-5 jobs, to barely see or have a hand in their childrens lives as they're rushed off to school first thing, and then to bed at night. Without this gift that Jason was given, and the talent he has in being an order buyer, we wouldn't have this privilege. We are prosperous. And should tomorrow we awake in worsen conditions, I will praise God for all we were allowed to get by with. Nothing is promised to us. We may not have the biggest house, the finest of materialistic things, but what we have is freedom. And, God willing our health and a roof over our heads. And most of all, we have one another. For this, I am ETERNALLY grateful and reminded of.

Day 8 {I am THANKFUL} Ava Isabella

 I have always wanted a girl named Ava, even WAY before this became a popular name. If I had 3 girls they would be named accordingly... Ava (Ava Gardner), Sophia (Sophia Loren) and Audrey (Audrey Hepburn). I understand I have already blogged about the MIRACLE that is Ava and what a miracle it was to conceive her naturally, but this entry is ABOUT Ava. So, here goes.From my vacation hotel room, located in North Charleston, SC, I would like to talk about my Avalina Isabella.

 Avalina, as we like to call her, was a nickname given to her by my dear sister (AKA Aunt Traci). We call her this because when my sweet grandmother, Nani Lorraine was alive, she used to call Traci, TraciLINA. She passed away two weeks after Ava was born, so she never got the chance to meet Ava face to face. We lived a couple hours away from her at the time. Traci eventually began referring to Ava as Avalina. The name stuck. I'm sure it confuses people from time to time when I call her this. The name just seems fitting, and it has my grandmother in there somewhere. :) I'd like to think she plays a role in it.

 Ava was born my heaviest baby. She was as long as her big brother Tristan at 20 inches, and weighed in at 6 lbs. 13 oz.. Huge baby, right? Tristan was born around 37 weeks at 6 lbs. 2 oz.. Ava was born at 39 weeks. I believe I mentioned the twins weights previously. I was certain she would be SO much bigger, seeing as she was born the latest. I might add that Tristan and Ava's births were induced. Tristan, because of my kidney issues and stints. Ava was helped out a tad with a little pitocin. I was already going into labor, but slowly. I apparently, am NOT quick at birthing.

 OKAY. COMPLETELY went off topic here!

 Ava is the life of the household. She is full of laughter, emotion and LOVE. She refers to her brothers as "my boys", asking for them when they're not around. She wakes in the morning as if she'd never fallen asleep, picking up where she's taken off. She snores. She's allergic to peanuts and she sleeps with her mouth WIDE open. She refuses to sleep on her own and prefers to sleep with her Daddy. Though, she claims very much so to be a Mommy's girl. She cracks us up and keeps us on our toes. We're constantly amazed by the things she tells us. Her favorite thing in this world is a 90's Japanamation called Sailor Moon. She can spell it out and write it down like her own name. She's been counting to 10 since she was under a year old and in different languages. She's ahead academically by far. I have already begun Kindergarten curriculum for her, though she has just turned 4. She is the girl I have ALWAYS wanted, and what I STILL wake up to, to this day in amazement at. I still become giddy when I think of my girl! I only pray that she continues to twirl, to dance, to sing, to argue to her own tune throughout life - to never lose that innocence and bliss. For there is only ONE Avalina in this world as she. My heart, my soul, my life all in one. She is our miracle and bursting full of love

child.

Day 7 {I am THANKFUL} Landon Aidan (Baby B)

 As I had mentioned in Luke's story, Landon came a good 55 minutes after Luke. He too, gave me a complicated job at birth, being as he was face up. I remember his birth a little more since the medicine began wearing off. And once Landon was born, we heard and had a healthy, tiny baby.

Landon is known as the little wise one. He's the "old man" of the bunch, clearly taking after his Daddy. He's the worrier, the thinker, the clever one. Landon was born a tiny little thing, at 5 pounds, 5 oz.. Actually, not too bad, considering he is a twin. Luke weighed in at 5 pounds, 12 oz.. That was a whole lot of baby going on. I remember feeling bad for little Landon, all crammed into my ribs, as Luke kicked and shoved his baby brother. How those two kept me up in the night.

 Out of all of our children, Landon is the one who is going to worry about someone else, but doesn't want to show too much affection. You know he loves deeply and emotionally, but he's just too much "boy" to show all of those emotion. I think it tends to boil up inside of him at times, causing him to think and worry over almost anything. He gives THE best hugs! Ask anyone who knows this child! Sometimes the conversations are a bit shocking, because his comprehension is so very ahead of his age. It's no joke that this child has been on and able to control a laptop since he was at least 2 years of age. There are many a picture on our MacBooks, his laptop of choice. Though, I do believe he would take just about any brand given to him. Not to mention, iPads, iPods, etc.. He's going to figure it out, and quickly.

 His heart is HUGE and his love is so very deep. He expresses so much of his father's compassion and devotion, that it makes my own heart swell. I couldn't be more proud to call this little boy my own. And how blessed I am that The Lord chosen me to be his mother.

Day 6 {I am THANKFUL} Luke Michael (Baby A) & The Power of PRAYER

 This is Luke's story.

When I was in labor with Tristan, I remember watching his heart rate go down, and down and how closely the doctor and nurses watched. I remember how scary it was to see it dip lower and lower. So when I was in labor with the twins, that same fear came into play when Luke's heart rate did the same, even worse. But even though they claimed to be watching his heart rate, no one seemed to feel the need to take action.

We sat hours, watching his heart rate remain in the 50's-40's, occasionally going up. With twins, they often take them via cesarean. This was not the case in my experience. I labored 12 hours with them, and their births were about an hour apart.
 
Finally came the time for delivery. They swept me away, out of my mind thanks to the phenegran they'd administered. I barely remember what was going on. I do however, recall pleading not to make me push. I was REALLY out of it and couldn't focus.

 I pushed, and pushed, and continued to go in and out of the world. Eventually he came. There was no cry. There was only rushed silence and what I could barely see, as a very blue, lifeless baby. After that, I was completely out. I don't know how I managed to deliver Landon 55 minutes later.

 Luke was born in respiratory distress, with very little blood, needing a liter's worth of a transfusion. I now recall the paperwork we had to sign prior to delivery, giving consent for either twin to receive blood should need be. Best decision in my life. Luke could very well not be here if I hadn't signed that.

 I will never forget Jason walking back into recovery, to find me in a deep, quiet pain. I had some issues with bleeding post delivery and had to remain in recovery a while. Landon thankfully, was fine, but had trouble coming out due to be facing up. Luke however he explained, wasn't in good condition and was being treated in the NICU. He explained that he had lost most of his blood because the cord was wrapped around his neck. No doubt that was why his heart rate was so low

and for so long. They almost cost us our sons life.
It was surreal. To think that my little boy, the baby we tried so hard to conceive, might not make it. I was in shock.

 Meanwhile, across the hospital, the state, the country and even into Europe, prayers were spreading for our little boy. And, by later in the day, the news came that he was starting to improve. Our prayers were being answered. I cannot tell you how hard it was for me NOT to be able to visit my son. I had to wait until the next day to see him. And, when I did, there lay the smallest, darkest, full headed baby. He was the exact opposite of Landon, whom I had already been with throughout the night. They were literally night and day. Luke was doing amazingly well and eventually, joined his brother 5 days post delivery.

 And, that my friends, is ABSOLUTELY the power of prayer and the story of Luke.

Day 5 {I am THANKFUL} Tristan Cross

 Our oldest son was diagnosed with PDD NOS (pervasive developmental delay - non other specific) when he was just 3 years old. Which basically translates to, "We don't really know how to categorize your son, so we'll just slap this label on him." He does not express true signs of autism, however he is severely developmentally delayed. Academically, he is extremely behind. Comprehensively, he is more so of that of a 4 year old. Put it this way, Tristan and Ava sure know how to have it out with one another. It's quite entertaining! We don't label Tristan as ANYTHING. We simply and lovingly label him, Tristan. There is nothing WRONG with him, he is just how The good Lord made him. Certainly, it concerns me if our son will ever be able to be independent. But Tristan is blessed with something that typical people lack. That's the ability to remain selfless, to NOT be able to grasp just how cruel the world around him is and to a certain extent, hold onto that naivety we lose at such a young age nowadays. We take Tristan a day at a time and teach him life skills. That to us is far more important than keeping up academically. Tristan, just as any other child, learns at his own pace. We couldn't ask for more because we are blessed to have a healthy and happy little boy.

Day 4 {I am THANKFUL} Family

 This morning as we hold school, I have taken up with the stores and begun Christmas cheer in the Burrell household by putting on a little Christmas music for the kids, seeing as there really aren't any Thanksgiving songs. I guess celebrating the best holiday of the year for a couple months isn't such a bad idea. We don't mind!

Yesterday was the first time in about 3 1/2 years that we have done a proper family portrait. Initially I planned on just using a timer, but thankfully, Miss Olivia helped me out with taking the pictures for us. I'm a little peeved that my just about brand new Nikon D800 is having some issues with the white balance, so most of them came out funky. I guess that's the good thing about being a photographer and needing to redo some portraits. I have the ability for as many redo's as needed! :)

 So, with that said, I am beyond grateful for our family. Through the trials of infertility and much faith, we have what our hearts always desired. It's a hectic, crazy, tiresome and usually stressful lifestyle, but we wouldn't have it any other way! I leave you with the first and only image I have gotten around to edit of us, and also, one of the sweet girls I photographed yesterday, my dear cousin in law's, Gretchen & Olivia Burrell. <3

Day 3 {I am THANKFUL} Freewill & Freedom

 The obvious reason I am truly thankful for today's post is because I am beyond grateful for my children. But the freewill we have to raise them the way we deem fit is just awesome. We have the freedom to home school these four precious minds and watch them grow through learning.

 We took the kids out for a long hike up to the highest point in Georgia, Brasstown Bald. I was amazed by their abilities to even venture that far up. I certainly didn't expect the enthusiasm they displayed throughout the hike to the top. Tristan had the most difficult time, but he pressed on taking several breaks to rest. It was a beautiful, chilly Fall day! We took the time to stop and learn what nature had displayed for us and they really enjoyed it. We're really looking forward to another adventure like yesterdays.

Day 2 {I am THANKFUL} The Miracle Of Fertility Treatment

 One of the most difficult experiences to go through is infertility. The inability to conceive a child with the one you love can absolutely tear one apart. Our world was muted. I felt as if I was on auto pilot. A lot. I'm sure anyone who is, or who has suffered this, can agree with me. You feel completely out of control of your life.

 Each month I charted, I woke up, careful not to move or open my mouth too wide, before sticking a basal body thermometer in my mouth to check my morning temps. I stood on my head (okay, maybe once). I took the right vitamins, Jason took the right vitamins, I changed my diet, I prayed, I cried, often sobbed. I wrote in a journal, I begged, no pleaded with God to please send us a child.

 I guess this post could easily be about how I came to be saved. I had always been a Christian. I believed in Christ. I knew there was a God and I was happy with that. But, it was the infertility that BROUGHT me TO Him. A rebirth, if you will. And one day, my eyes just OPENED. I asked for Christ to come into my heart and SAVE me. And save me, He did. From that day on, my life has absolutely brightened. It didn't matter if I became pregnant. It didn't matter how much I longed for the things that seemed so unobtainable. Because the change in me was SO great, I was at peace. I then began to see the blessings. We had a child, we had a home, we had a blessed lifestyle. I had never suffered a miscarriage, as I knew so many women who had and had repeatedly. There are even cases of something referred to as a blighted ovum, when you simply conceive an empty sac. Or, a tubal pregnancy. There is a world of infertility that many do not even know about and SO VERY MANY suffer. It was hard in my human nature, but I eventually surrendered and left it all up to Him. I was grateful.

 After a few months of praying, I felt an urge to see a reproductive specialist. I dragged Jason reluctantly to do a lot of blood work. My poor husband who is 110% ALL man, almost fainted on the table when they took his blood. I will never forget that. Now, when I say blood work, I mean BLOOD work. They took my blood every single day. I was monitored very closely.

 When you're going through treatment, the nurses usually are the ones who give you the call to let you know whether or not you were pregnant, after initial blood work. And it's so hard for me not to call everything by it's name in my mind, because as many of my friends who have gone through this understand, we have special names, or abbreviations for words. For example: TTC stands for Trying To Conceive. BW stands for blood work. We certainly developed our own language. I'm sure if any of you, and you know who you are, are reading this, you are probably laughing right now. I know I am. Okay. So the nurses call you, but seeing as after 2 1/2 years of getting BFN's (Big Fat Negatives), or negative pregnancy tests, I just couldn't stand to wait. I tested from 9 DPO (Days Past Ovulation) and on. On 9 DPO (I am still cracking up), I could have sworn I saw a faint pink line, something that is easily mistakable for a gray line, which means a false positive result. I could honestly be a fertility specialist by now. I even administered my own meds via syringes. That part actually wasn't as bad as I thought. Until of course, the HUGE, progesterone oil syringe came along. Once you were pregnant, you had to have 10 days worth of those, right on the bottom. YEP. Good times! I had to leave that part up to Jason to do. I felt like his cattle, when he administered their antibiotics!

 I'm totally going off topic here. ANYWAY! So when I got the call around 12 DPO, it was to let me know that we were indeed PREGNANT. And, from studying online on just about everything to do with treatments, I learned about NUMBERS and how high they should be. When the nurse gave me my numbers, we both kinda laughed that mine were doubling a little high per day. Of course, this is a usual indication that you are expecting MULTIPLES. There was no way of knowing until the initial U/S (ultrasound), which was still a couple weeks away. You can imagine how freaked we were.

 When the time came for the U/S (are you having fun yet learning my linguo??) we went in just like any pregnant woman would. I was still under my repro's care. I warned him before we had even begun that I would probably have twins. He said, NAH. So when he began and there were TWO black spots hanging out in my uterus, the room grew silent. I blurted out, "That's TWO!" I wish I had a picture of Jason's face. I thought he would faint. I don't believe he said a word after that.

 After your initial U/S, you return in another couple weeks for another. Our repro explained that sometimes one of the embryos wouldn't survive and would ultimately disappear, so not to be surprised should this happen. I was worried. That little embryo, or Baby B as we called him, would be Landon. I can't imagine life without Landon now! So when we returned, we heard two strong heartbeats.

 And there you have The Miracle of Infertility Treatments in our lives.

Day 1 {I am THANKFUL} The Miracle That Is Ava

 Technically, this does count as my first day since I DID take the picture yesterday, even though the entry is being uploaded today! So here goes Day 1.

 I am thankful for THE MIRACLE THAT IS AVA. Most of the people in our lives know that we suffered years of infertility after Tristan was born. We were not able to conceive on our own, thus the twins were conceived via fertility treatments. Just before they turned two, we found out that we were PREGNANT. COMPLETELY naturally! Not to mention, she was a SURPRISE! We were not planning on expanding our little family further. But, God always has bigger and better plans. He knew my hearts desire to have a daughter. Or, more than likely He just had a plan of His own. Regardless, Ava Isabella came to be and we couldn't image life without her. Even as I write this, I have tears in my eyes. To this day, I still become giddy at the thought of my own GIRL. How grateful we are for her!

 This concludes Day 1, which will lead into Day 2.