Day 2 {I am THANKFUL} The Miracle Of Fertility Treatment

 One of the most difficult experiences to go through is infertility. The inability to conceive a child with the one you love can absolutely tear one apart. Our world was muted. I felt as if I was on auto pilot. A lot. I'm sure anyone who is, or who has suffered this, can agree with me. You feel completely out of control of your life.

 Each month I charted, I woke up, careful not to move or open my mouth too wide, before sticking a basal body thermometer in my mouth to check my morning temps. I stood on my head (okay, maybe once). I took the right vitamins, Jason took the right vitamins, I changed my diet, I prayed, I cried, often sobbed. I wrote in a journal, I begged, no pleaded with God to please send us a child.

 I guess this post could easily be about how I came to be saved. I had always been a Christian. I believed in Christ. I knew there was a God and I was happy with that. But, it was the infertility that BROUGHT me TO Him. A rebirth, if you will. And one day, my eyes just OPENED. I asked for Christ to come into my heart and SAVE me. And save me, He did. From that day on, my life has absolutely brightened. It didn't matter if I became pregnant. It didn't matter how much I longed for the things that seemed so unobtainable. Because the change in me was SO great, I was at peace. I then began to see the blessings. We had a child, we had a home, we had a blessed lifestyle. I had never suffered a miscarriage, as I knew so many women who had and had repeatedly. There are even cases of something referred to as a blighted ovum, when you simply conceive an empty sac. Or, a tubal pregnancy. There is a world of infertility that many do not even know about and SO VERY MANY suffer. It was hard in my human nature, but I eventually surrendered and left it all up to Him. I was grateful.

 After a few months of praying, I felt an urge to see a reproductive specialist. I dragged Jason reluctantly to do a lot of blood work. My poor husband who is 110% ALL man, almost fainted on the table when they took his blood. I will never forget that. Now, when I say blood work, I mean BLOOD work. They took my blood every single day. I was monitored very closely.

 When you're going through treatment, the nurses usually are the ones who give you the call to let you know whether or not you were pregnant, after initial blood work. And it's so hard for me not to call everything by it's name in my mind, because as many of my friends who have gone through this understand, we have special names, or abbreviations for words. For example: TTC stands for Trying To Conceive. BW stands for blood work. We certainly developed our own language. I'm sure if any of you, and you know who you are, are reading this, you are probably laughing right now. I know I am. Okay. So the nurses call you, but seeing as after 2 1/2 years of getting BFN's (Big Fat Negatives), or negative pregnancy tests, I just couldn't stand to wait. I tested from 9 DPO (Days Past Ovulation) and on. On 9 DPO (I am still cracking up), I could have sworn I saw a faint pink line, something that is easily mistakable for a gray line, which means a false positive result. I could honestly be a fertility specialist by now. I even administered my own meds via syringes. That part actually wasn't as bad as I thought. Until of course, the HUGE, progesterone oil syringe came along. Once you were pregnant, you had to have 10 days worth of those, right on the bottom. YEP. Good times! I had to leave that part up to Jason to do. I felt like his cattle, when he administered their antibiotics!

 I'm totally going off topic here. ANYWAY! So when I got the call around 12 DPO, it was to let me know that we were indeed PREGNANT. And, from studying online on just about everything to do with treatments, I learned about NUMBERS and how high they should be. When the nurse gave me my numbers, we both kinda laughed that mine were doubling a little high per day. Of course, this is a usual indication that you are expecting MULTIPLES. There was no way of knowing until the initial U/S (ultrasound), which was still a couple weeks away. You can imagine how freaked we were.

 When the time came for the U/S (are you having fun yet learning my linguo??) we went in just like any pregnant woman would. I was still under my repro's care. I warned him before we had even begun that I would probably have twins. He said, NAH. So when he began and there were TWO black spots hanging out in my uterus, the room grew silent. I blurted out, "That's TWO!" I wish I had a picture of Jason's face. I thought he would faint. I don't believe he said a word after that.

 After your initial U/S, you return in another couple weeks for another. Our repro explained that sometimes one of the embryos wouldn't survive and would ultimately disappear, so not to be surprised should this happen. I was worried. That little embryo, or Baby B as we called him, would be Landon. I can't imagine life without Landon now! So when we returned, we heard two strong heartbeats.

 And there you have The Miracle of Infertility Treatments in our lives.

Day 1 {I am THANKFUL} The Miracle That Is Ava

 Technically, this does count as my first day since I DID take the picture yesterday, even though the entry is being uploaded today! So here goes Day 1.

 I am thankful for THE MIRACLE THAT IS AVA. Most of the people in our lives know that we suffered years of infertility after Tristan was born. We were not able to conceive on our own, thus the twins were conceived via fertility treatments. Just before they turned two, we found out that we were PREGNANT. COMPLETELY naturally! Not to mention, she was a SURPRISE! We were not planning on expanding our little family further. But, God always has bigger and better plans. He knew my hearts desire to have a daughter. Or, more than likely He just had a plan of His own. Regardless, Ava Isabella came to be and we couldn't image life without her. Even as I write this, I have tears in my eyes. To this day, I still become giddy at the thought of my own GIRL. How grateful we are for her!

 This concludes Day 1, which will lead into Day 2.

I am working on wrapping up a wedding photographed a couple weeks back. I am still playing catch up to last weeks Senior and Junior Rep sessions, as well. Hoping to have it all done by this weekend before my new sessions. I really hate being behind like this.

 Another issue I am battling is working on the book. I am looking forward to having most of this Winter off. Creating dialogue is so much tougher than I thought it would be. Also, keeping things as real as possible. I may love all things paranormal, but I like to represent the story to be almost believable. If that even makes sense? So, I am aiming at hopefully, having everything completed by next Summer. The fact that those who have read it's rough draft are actually interested and waiting for more, is just surreal to me. Even when I read through it, I have to ask myself, "Did I REALLY write this?." It's a good feeling. I'm sure when people begin pulling it apart, it won't be such an awesome feeling.

 I leave you with a picture of the wedding. Happy Wednesday, all!

I am really terrible.

I have come to find, that I am REALLY, really terrible at blogging. However, I have a new idea for November. To photograph each day, one thing I am grateful for. A photography journal. If I think about attempting a 365 day project, my mind just goes on overload and then, it gets bored. So, with that said, I think it's safe to say that I can handle 30 days.
 I am so very behind on work. I'm having a tough time with balancing everything at once, from editing, holding sessions, to homeschooling and keeping the house flowing. I am looking forward to the next few months I will be taking off, after the beginning of December. Hopefully, that way I can regroup and figure out a new way of  making things flow.
 We'll have another jammed pack month ahead of us. Tristan will be 10 years old on November 29th! Sometimes, it's tough to imagine him being only a few years away from being a teenager. He's still so very young mentally. I admire that in him. It gives me a sort of sense of peace, knowing that he really doesn't grasp what criticism, or negativity is really all about. Of course, he gathers when someone is upset, mad or sad. He feels very much for everyone around him. What's most important is that he is advancing. Even though he struggles severely academically, we are giving him the tools that he will need to live and he is a very, very happy little boy.
 Making the decision to keep our children at home with us, has been one of the most rewarding feelings. Even though at times we feel we'll pull our hair out, we know we are doing what's best for us as a family, and for our children. They are happy, healthy and advancing beautifully. Life is so very good and God is so very full of grace!
 I am looking forward to sharing my Grateful Project with everyone! Happy Halloween week until then!

School will start a little later today for Ava's first dental appointment, and or Luke to get his teeth all fixed up. We have a week full of things to do. If baby Connor doesn't come too late, hopefully we can have the twins bday party this Saturday. If not, we'll just have to wait for next Saturday.

Yesterday... not so much, but today is a new day!

 Fingers crossed and hands in prayer for a better day today, though yesterday was very productive. We finally began our Arctic unit yesterday, and got a ton of work done. However, guess who was less than cooperative? sigh.

 Little Landon Aidan. What will we ever do with you? We've tried it all. He simply approaches school as a stop sign, shutting completely off before even attempting to do anything. I can't tell if it's out of just wanting to be stubborn, or really not wanting to have to try and pay attention. I know he can do the work. He is fine beforehand, but put him in his seat and you get goofy Landon, resistant Landon, or "I'm just gonna completely ignore you and talk about something else" Landon. This kid keeps us on our toes.

 Yesterday, Jason was gone all day long. I quickly felt the strain of homeschooling, WORK, lunch time duty, kitchen duty, laundry duty and referee. Needless to say, my patience was tried, immensely. Took a lot of prayer time outs. I also, prayed an extra amount before bed, and as I was waking this morning. Only way you're gonna get through it! All in all, I still say, the stress is much less than it was when all the boys were in school. I am a sensitive person naturally, so when someone gets it with mama, I take it very personally. I am just going to have to learn to let some things in one ear, and out the other.

 I am going to try my best to begin work on the twins birthday cakes, as their party is this Saturday. Luke has his request for a cowboy/John Deere cake and Landon, a Tom & Jerry. Wish me luck!

My, oh, my.

I believe we're beginning to feel the effects of cabin fever. We have been getting out as much as possible, but rain kept us locked inside on Wednesday. We were back in full swing this week wtih school. Today is a day of testing. Yesterday, we finally wrapped up our Van Gogh unit, and the boys did a beautiful job on their very own renditions.

Enjoy <3